"I’m Not Gossiping, I’m Just Venting" – A Lie We Tell Ourselves at Work

It’s a normal day at work.

You’re minding your own business, getting things done, when—suddenly—there she goes again. Karen. Doing that thing she always does. That thing that drives you absolutely nuts.

You sigh inwardly in frustration. You can’t wait to tell someone.

You hit the water cooler, or maybe Slack, and light up when you see your work bestie. She’ll understand!

You lean in. You unload. You both laugh. Maybe roll your eyes together. And you feel better…

…but do you?

Because here’s the thing: that moment of relief might be costing you way more than you realize. Gossiping is the insidious eroder of your career.

Photo by Mizanudin on Unsplash

Gossip Feels Good (Until It Doesn’t)

We all know it: gossip is tempting. It’s spicy. Entertaining. It makes you feel connected and validated—not to mention that little dopamine hit you get whenever someone says, “Oh my gosh, I know! She did that to me too!”

But while it feels like bonding, it’s really just cleverly disguised negativity.

That one little vent session subtly shifts how you view your company, work, and colleagues. When you regularly talk down your coworkers, boss, or company (even in a it’s “just between us” context), you’re actually training yourself to lose respect for your workplace. And once that respect goes away, so does your work ethic.

Now imagine this: Karen—the very subject of all your side chats—is suddenly assigned to your next project. And, thankfully, your bestie’s on the team, too. But by the time the kickoff meeting is underway, you and your bestie have already aired your frustrations privately, allowing passive doubt to creep in. You don’t trust Karen’s contribution, and the whole dynamic feels off before the before the first slide even loads.

Even when you’re not working directly with her, how can you possibly give it your all when the company you work for hires people like Karen? How do you buy into the mission? The values? The team?

You can’t. Not fully.

And that has serious consequences for your career trajectory.

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

You Can’t Grow Where You Don’t Respect

Here’s the truth: lack of respect will block your growth.

Why? Because leaders can smell it. Even if no one specifically tell them that you are a gossip, your micro-interactions (and those of your bestie) will give your away.

If you’re the person always side-eyeing decisions or low-key trashing teammates, you’re sending a loud signal: “I don’t believe in this!” 

It doesn’t matter if you are actually good at your job. No one wants to promote the person who’s quietly poisoning the culture.

And if you’re not careful, that reputation will precede you. If you’re looking for a new job and your potential employer talks to your current boss or coworkers, you won’t be able to control that interaction.

Suddenly, you’re not just a designer, developer, researcher, or strategist— you’re the person who talks about people behind their backs.

Good luck changing that.

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Gossip ≠ Criticism

Now here is where I want to draw the proverbial line in the sand. Yes, some people are hard to work with. Yes, some people and actions deserve to be called out. But gossip isn’t the way to do it.

Gossip is reactive, sneaky, and usually personal.

Constructive criticism, on the other hand, is direct, thoughtful, and focused on solutions.

Saying “Karen is such a mess in meetings” is gossip.

Saying “Hey Karen, I noticed the agenda’s been a bit unclear. Can I help with that next time?” is leadership.

It’s okay to feel frustration when someone rubs you the wrong way. But there is a productive way in which that frustration can be expressed, and gossip isn’t it.

So What Do You Do Instead?

• Vent with purpose. If something is bothering you, talk to the person directly, or bring it up to someone who can actually help.

• Redirect gossip. Try saying, “That sounds like something you should talk to them about.” It will feel awkward the first few times, but it gets easier.

• Write it down. Sometimes, just getting it out of your head is enough. Journaling or jotting it in a private doc can help clear your mind without damaging your relationships.

  
  

Build or Break

You can be someone who builds trust, culture, and bridges within the workplace—or you can be someone who chips away at it all one “funny” complaint at a time.

Sometimes you have to know when to hold your tongue and protect your team’s reputation, even when it’s tempting to join in on the drama. The more you focus on building up your team instead of breaking any one individual down, the more people will trust you with the next level up.

Your future self will thank you.